So the term 'Chivalry', I’m not going to lie, but
the first thing I think of is Knights in Shining armour. Quite a sensible
answer, but only one of my friends was on the same wave length. It's got to
start somewhere guys! According to everyone else, that it is 'opening doors for
ladies. Both answers are right! Chivalry has manifested itself over the ages,
starting off as tin-can clad men racing horses and trying to knock each other
off with wooden poles, so they can ‘woo’ the heart of a potential maiden.
Nowadays it gives guys a chance to man up and help express their feelings for
another, (because ladies, let’s face it, most guys are rubbish at that.) True
chivalry is harder to find nowadays, or is it? As mentioned earlier, it may
have manifested itself into something different.
Following conversations with my peers, the act of
buying a girl a drink at the bar was mentioned as chivalry. I do agree with
this to an extent, as it is a nice gesture (and even better if you know the
girl). It is a way to start a relationship, but is it the right way?
I am not the type to ‘club’ frequently, but am
aware of the predatory guys that hang out at the bar, waiting to prey on some
young, scantily-clad, (and very drunk) female. Girls if you’re lucky, and
wearing a low top, chances are, you’re probably going to get bought a drink.
This idea of buying a drink though, does it bring with it the connotations that
the guy in question would like to indulge in the act of ‘making the beast with
two backs’? This is corny and shows that you are not a true gentleman! SHAME ON
YOU.
This now
brings me on to the topic of nice guys and whether nowadays they do finish
last. For example, I’m aware of many of my friends, who quite frankly, are
bloody nice blokes and to be honest it frustrates me that they struggle with
women. Does this not show something though? Are women more attracted to the
idea of a ‘bad man’ when they know that they’re going to hurt them in the long
run? I’m very sorry girls, but I do not see the logic in that at all. Okay,
well I’ve heard from people that it’s because that a girl wants to think that
they can change a guy…
...Seriously?
The logic
and the actual practicality of that escape me. It is stupid and absurd, and to
be honest, I’d rather climb into a sleeping bag with a Polar Bear than change
someone. Isn’t this idea of falling for someone based on liking them in the
first place, not the fact you might like them ONCE YOU’VE ACTUALLY CHANGED
THEM? I’m sorry, rant over. So could this be classed as modern day chivalry? I
would assume that buying a drink for a girl solely with the idea that you will
now access to kiss the lips between the hips would be classed as ‘rapey’ and
just a little bit forward.
I suppose the rise of feminism has a lot to answer
for. 9 times out of 10 a guy will do nice things because he wants to be
a genuinely quite nice. But because of bra burning, doing nice things for girls
can now be construed as patronising and offensive. I find that statement offensive
to be honest. Okay I do believe that there should be equality in relationships
and payments of things should be shared out, but finding acts of genuine
affection like that offensive or even PATRONISING. Then you can go and boil
your heads. That is wrong on so many levels.
In
conclusion, chivalry is not dead; it is still there, underneath the surface.
People nowadays tend to look after number one, and because of this, their
better half may go without. Many I spoke to said how they felt that they could make
more of an effort in their relationships, but felt that chivalry was used on
the kindling stage of a relationship to portray feelings when there weren't any
words to describe how they were feeling. Which I think is rather sweet to be
honest and shows that there are good intentions out there, but restraints of
modern day society, such as financial issues, various responsibilities and just
plain male nerves, constrict this.
BUT IT'S
STILL HERE (and not dead) :D
I hope you
now have a wonderful insight into the world of chivalry and learn to become a
better person/lover because of this. I would just like to thank all of the
beautiful people who helped me with this article. Thanks guys.
I guess I will now leave you with some words of a
very wise friend:
‘Treating your partner with respect is worth it, it’s
good to make someone else feel good.’
Alex White
Whilst I fully understand how irritating it can be to be called patronising or offensive when you’re trying to be nice, just to come at you with a cheeky bit of feminist theory, there is something known as the White Knight Discourse… within this, the patriarchal structure of power and control is subconsciously reinforced by guys doing things such as opening doors for their lady-friends and lady-strangers.
ReplyDeleteMy fundamental issue with feminist theory is the general, uninformed belief that it is all about women. Equality is vital and my point is that it is not fair for men to feel responsible within the social superstructure to open doors for women!
So, whilst I fully agree with this article, it should be known that chivalry need only be practised when it is deserved and should be practised towards EVERYONE by BOTH sexes!! :)
Harriet Baker
Who's to say a woman couldn't open the door for a man? Or would that just be an act of castration Mr White....
ReplyDeleteShaun Beale
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhilst I fully respect Miss Baker's comment, I would like to point out a major flaw in the argument that holding a door open for a woman comes under the White Knight Discourse: I would suggest that it is perfectly acceptable for both men to hold doors open for women and for women to hold doors open for men, such are the workings of the equalist society we should all be striving to create. however, the issue arises that were a woman to hold a door open for a man, as an example of basic common courtesy, that would be fine; however, if a man then returns the favour and holds a door open for a woman, we then begin to tread on the toes of the 'I could be accused of sexism here' argument, and that's where the problem lies. There's a difference between treating people with courtesy regardless of their gender and simply seeing discrimination where there is none.
ReplyDeleteAm I right?
I believe so. Why not drop us an e-mail, dear readers, and let us know what you think.
William D. Green
Oh I massively agree, the fact that feminist theories like this even have to exist just shows how ridiculously society is structured. But please don’t see these ideas as a massive criticism on personal actions, it is just an underlying problem that is no one individuals fault.
ReplyDeleteI am equally happy and flattered when a woman holds a door open for me as when a man does, but when a man goes out of his way because the person behind him happens to be a female, that's when it goes wrong and offense can be taken!
Indeed, I have far more sympathy in my little feminist head for men than women, because quite frankly there is a sense that however men act will result in some form of criticism from some wave of feminism :( You cannot predict the reaction of every single human being, and so in a very Aesoppy style the best thing to do is to treat everyone equally. You holding a door open for someone has the potential to be considered patronising on so many different levels, be it gender, age, etc. Nevertheless Will, in you saying "seeing discrimination where there is none", I'm inclined to think that on some level discrimination is heavily subjective, and whilst it is infuriating when an innocent action is interpreted so so wrong, that's just the way the societal cookie crumbles.
So yes, we should expect courtesy from people, but the intention needs to be consistent and the intention should not be gendered.
Harriet Baker