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Europe, May 22nd: What's the Fuss?

As many of you may have heard, May 22^nd is not only the date of the UK’s local elections, but the 2014 European elections as well. For many, this is a hot topic, and something of huge significance. However, the cynics amongst us may say, 'Why bother?'

 

After all, it’s not like Europe directly affects us anyway. We’re 'Great' Britain, we don’t need them... Or do we?

'Who are you?'

 

Here’s a question for you. The strapping, fine specimen of a human being shown above; who is he? Go on, think about it. Any ideas?

Well interestingly, MEP Nigel Farage was equally baffled as he attacked Van Rompuy – ex Belgium prime minister and president of the European Council- shouting, “Who are you? Who are you?” Farage followed this with the statement that Van Rompuy has “the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low grade bank clerk”.

This outburst raises two important points.

      1.    .  How exactly did Farage get his job?

      2.      There is a lack of stimulus within UK politics for the public to get involved with the rest of Europe.

You see, whilst Britain is a part of Europe, we kind of hide it. The news rarely approaches European politics, and when it does, it is from the position of an outsider. This is interesting, especially when one thinks of how Britain first joined the European community in 1973. Yes, the European Union wasn’t formed until 1993, but this is merely an evolution of the Single European Act of 1978 in which Europe became “an area without internal frontiers in which the free movement of goods, persons, services and capital is ensured”.

So why is it Britain continue to sit in the closet when it comes to our relationship with Europe. It has been forty one years now…

So why exactly is May 22^nd important?

Well you see, this our opportunity to really become involved with Europe. This date is when we as a country, we have to make a decision. Do we bury our heads in the sand when it comes to the importance of Europe, or do we become a pro-active member of the community?

So here are some of the reasons to really think about it and get involved:

      

·         The European parliament acts as co-legislator on most EU laws; it’s our means of acting on laws in Strasbourg/Brussels.

UKIP have a made a habit of arguing how Strasbourg and Brussels are controlling us, making laws about which we have no say. Well, with people like Farage as our MEPs, individuals who do nothing but attack the rest of Europe rather than get pro-actively involved it’s no surprise. EU laws are made to benefit a European community, no wonder we feel they’re not benefitting us when as a country we stand in a corner and insist we’re better.

·         European Parliament plays a role in the creation of rules and regulations by which trade within Europe takes place.

Europe is the world’s largest single market. In getting involved we’re able to negotiate a streamlined, singular regulation rather than having to comply with a cornucopia of different regulations. England on its own would take the role of an outsider, the red tape would only get thicker when we as a country have no say on how it’s cut!

·         CONTROVERSY! Free right of movement for EU citizens.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not to blame for everything wrong in the country. We’re in a recession, the minimum wage is a joke and nobody in the UK wants to work in certain roles. This is not the fault of free movement throughout Europe. It’s easier to pick an outside enemy than face the facts. Take the treatment of the Jews throughout Germany in the Second World War. People are disillusioned with politics and unhappy with the state of the country. To give the population a common enemy is the easiest way to make a name for yourself in this climate; it doesn’t help the underlying issues however.

In fact, free movement within the EU has numerous benefits. It allows our economy to keep functioning as migrants take the jobs nobody else is willing to take.

It also allows fresh opportunities within Europe for many British people. Take university ERASMUS for example. British students get the opportunity to study or work abroad as part of their degree.

We don’t think of these benefits however, we’re too great to benefit from the rest of Europe… oh no, they just sponge off us!

·         Eurovision!

Come on guys! We’ll never win Eurovision unless we play along! Everybody knows it’s just about politics anyway, perhaps if we get involved in Europe we may actually win one day!!!

Fucking foreigners... Their roads even killed Diana!

 

That’s not to say Europe is perfect. No; far from it. It needs work, and it needs our country’s full commitment to make it work. I guess that is what this article is about. I’m not trying to say Europe’s the best; that we should all marry a Frenchmen (or women), and give our children names like François and Pierre. No, we are British, and that is important.

This is about getting involved. As I have said before, up to now we've been in the closet about our relationship with Europe. It’s time to swing open the door and join the party, recommend a few choice tracks and get everybody twirking along with us.

UKIP argue that we have no say as to what goes on in Europe. Well, when you publicly abuse them and refer to their members as “non-countries” it’s no surprise. So that’s why everybody should think about their votes in the European elections. Surely it’s too soon to turn our backs on the rest of Europe when up until now we've hardly got involved.

After all, if all we are willing to do is throw a big Farage about the whole thing, can we ever expect any change for the better?

So that’s what this article is about. Getting involved…

Who knows, it might actually do some good!

Shaun Beale

Wow. Such Popular.

 

When we started this site in 2012, we never thought we'd get this far.

 

Thanks, fans, for 16,000 pageviews.

Happy Birthday Pessimist Chronicles!

 

We just want to take this opportunity to thank our fans for all the love over the past two years.

 

Seriously. You're awesome.

Five... Four... Three... Two... One!

CountdownClockCodes.com

Shit the Bed!!!

Oh Vegeta...



8000 Views!

Thank you so very much to all of our lovely readers and followers!

Shit the Bed!

Thanks to everyone who has logged on to read our shameless pessimism!

And for those of you who haven't, get a move on!

Thanks to all our fans, we've already surpassed the 5000 mark!

Yay.

Regarding the Result

Click Here.

That is all.

Kat Darlington

VOTE NOW!!!

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So hurry! Join us now on http://www.facebook.com/winchesterpessimistchronicles and make your voice heard!

Who knows... by voting you may even overthrow an abhorrent world leader. Well, maybe not! But still, VOTE NOW!

The Four Thousand Mark Has Been Surpassed

It's only one day over a week since we all celebrated reaching the three thousand hits mark. This morning we log on and find we have surpassed four thousand! STB! So to thank you all, here's a little bit of fun we've cooked up for you. Try it for yourselves if you don't believe us.

Click to englarge

Thanks guys.

Just for Amusement

Simon Birkmyre

A Massive Thank You

THREE THOUSAND PAGEVIEWS!!!

(thanks a bunch)

2999...

On logging into The Pessimist Chronicles today I noticed the hit count...

Come on people!

Read. Follow. Love.

Kat Darlington

A very short thanks to our readership!

Thanks.

It's Coming...

THE PODCAST!

The first of many was recorded today, featuring Shaun, Simon, Will and Alex. It is currently being edited/spliced/legalised, and will be up in a few days.

I know you're looking forward to it as much as we are.

Welcome to the pleasuredome...

'In Xanadu did Kublai Khan a pleasure dome erect...'

What a pity it is that he isn't here to do the same thing for the rest of the world today. Everywhere we walk, we are confronted by images of injustice, war, turmoil, totalitarianism, brutality, angst, discrimination, stupidity, cruelty, danger, health and safety, not enough danger, children crying in restaurants, children crying in pet stores, children crying in HMV, shops like HMV closing down, shops like HMV losing out on money due to illegal downloads, piracy, pirates, films about pirates, Somali Pirates, cruise liners capsizing, caps worn back-to-front, dresses without back, dreses without fronts, bikinis, mankinis, kiwis - the list goes on. If only there were somebody out there who could focus upon these issues, as well as providing some light relief from the worries of our day-to-day existence upon Albion's shore!

This is where The Pessimist Chronicles comes into play. Take a lot of ideas, a lot of intelligence, and a handful of incredibly attractive, dangerously intelligent, cataclysmically posh young people from the University of Winchester, give them a magazine and what do you get? - well... this.

'What right do these young upstarts have to talk about burning issues such as politics, foreign affairs, fashion, romance, racial issues the latest media-saturated entertainments?' I hear you ask. Well, we all study English, which means, while, say, a business student may understand business, we understand that business is little more than a product of a country whose inhabitants are driven purely by the drive to buy, forced into behaving in such a way so that the larger corporations can squeeze them for every penny they have; and, thus, we get the upper hand.

Got you thinking, didn't it?

The Team
Harriet Baker
Girl. 19. Blonde. Enjoys flirting with many a moving object, and watching cats at play. She works in the department of fashion and humorous pick-up lines (only a few of which have actually been tested, very few of which have actually been seen to work), and also produces any illustrations you see within these pages. The only person ever to pass the essay assignment for the module known as History of the English Language. She takes a long time making life-changing decisions, such as 'can I eat a burger twice in one week' and 'fish and chips or scampi... or gammon... or a burger?' Likes to show her midriff off in cold weather. Most frequently heard to say 'I hate men!... oh he's quite nice...'






Shaun Anthony Beale

Boy. 20. Enjoys the works of Franz Kafka, selling flowers to old people, and writing poetry. He is our film and media expert. Very little else is known about him, save that he has a penchant for touching people he has only just met in ways such as a stroking of the face or a cupping of the... yes, and he always order a gourmet chicken burger whenever dining in Wetherspoons. That's our Shauny B!

Simon Doreen Birkmyre

Boy. 19. 'Guys, guys, guys! Isn't this just the best day ever?' This genuine quote sums up the personality of our lovely strangely-Northern-sounding Southern friend. What topic does he cover? Foreign affairs. He has friends from Japan. He's going to spend several months being educated in Japan. He knows more about the rest of the world than anyone else we know. Therefore, he's the perfect man for the job. He is also the writer of our obituaries section.

Kat Darlington

Girl. 20. Inter-nerd. Enjoys lolcats and memebase. The closest thing we could find to the Artful Dodger, so she will have to do for the purpose of demonstrating class diversity. Don't worry, dear reader - she's used to us offending her. She used to work for Sainsbury's. She shouts at computers. Her PIN is 6736. That's Kat Darlington!

William D. Green

Boy. 19. The greatest person in the team. Of course that's a joke: he's not really that arrogant - he's just very self-proud (as confirmed by the rest of the team on February 29th 2012). Enjoys complaining about how modern mainstream music is nowhere near as good as the oldies (Queen are the greatest band of all time, and don't forget it). With this unique brand of angry humour, he focuses on politics and satire, as well as taking an angry view of many aspects of modern culture. Look out for his annual reviews of the years as we steadily progress through them. He can play the violin. He's tetotal. He has a burning desire to wear a stetson to a lecture. Oh, William...

Alexander White

Boy. 20. He used to have huge, gaping holes in his ears which could potentially have been portals to another dimension, but nobody ever had the bravery to test this theory out. He specialises primarily in our lonely hearts section, so if you have any issues of the heart, send them unto him. He won't be able to help, but he can make you laugh about it, and laughter is, after all, the best medicine. It doesn't really do much in the long run, but it takes the pain away for a short while. Like paracetamol. His phone number is 07846738654.

And that's the team!

Please note that all articles published herein are the property of the individual authors. We all work seperately. If any article offends or breaks protocol in any way, this is the responsibility of the specific author - nobody else will be connected to the project unless it is specified in the article in question.

Each contributor is equal to one another - we're listed in alphabetical order by surname, are we not?

The Pessimist Chronicles will never intentionally offend, breach copyright, or commit any other breach of internet/legal protocol. Any offending, once brought to the attention of the team, will be immediately removed. Because we're nice like that.

We would also like to stress that this magazine is in no way in competition with the fantastic Splendid Fred Magazine run by the University of Winchester's creative writing team. We are highly enamoured with and respectful of this publication, and know we shall never beat it in terms of popularity and/or reader numbers.