Work That Essay Like It's Potter's Clay

With Easter approaching quicker than you can say, uhm, Easter, it can only mean one thing…
The resurrection of Jesus?!
Chocolate in the shape of eggs and rabbits and chicks?!

 No… Assessment Weeks.

Don’t let assessment week make you weak, it’s really not so bleak!
So put an end to your failing streak and take some advice from a self-proclaimed geek… *

1.     Unhook from Facebook.
Just going to check it quickly before you start your work? Reeeeally?
Three hours later and all you’ve discovered is that four of the girls you went to school with are now mums and your ex-boyfriend is still posting crap music videos as his status…
Don’t just promise the classic “10 minutes a day”… Sign out and get your housemate, your mum, your scarily evolved hamster with his opposable thumbs, or anyone else you can find to CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD!
Fill out, sign and hand your trustee the following message:

I [insert full name here] do entrust the duty of changing my Facebook password to [insert name of trustee here] for the duration of the assessment weeks. Under no circumstances should [insert name of trustee here] return the password to me before the end of the assessment weeks. No matter how many slices of toast I promise to make/ washing-up duties I accept/ dinosaur impressions I do.
In addition, [insert name of trustee here] promises not to abuse the knowledge of [insert full name here]’s Facebook password by practising the activity known as ‘Frape’.
Signed [your signature here]
           [signature of trustee here]

2.     Keen to Clean?
Sure, a tidy house is a tidy mind, but using cleaning and tidying to procrastinate is just silly. If you like to study in your home, then use your breaks from studying (see point three) to create the environment you’re happy with. Not only is this a good use of time, but it eases off the inevitable pins and needles in your feet and derrière as well as giving your eyes a much needed break from staring at a screen!
If you really cannot deal with the mess of your home then escape to the library or even spend a couple of hours in Starbucks with your laptop and a Frappuccino.

3.     Choose to Snooze!
Just because you have one million words to write, numerous PowerPoint’s to put together and countless theories to remember does not mean that you no longer require basic human needs. Consider yourself a Sim:  If you don’t get a good night’s sleep in your Vibromatic Heart Bed, spend enough time watching your fish in the Aquabox Five-Gallon Aquarium or relieve yourself upon your Flush Force 5 XLT, then you’ll fall to pieces.

It is advised to take a break every twenty minutes when working at a computer. Realistically when you’re working to deadline this just isn’t going to happen, and you should not spend your essay writing time clock-watching to figure out when you can next get a bag of monster munch. Instead, I propose taking a break every time your brain starts to lag a little, if you realise you’re desperately searching for where you can insert empty adjectives to up your word-count then it might be time to put the kettle on.

Most importantly, SLEEP. FOR GOODNESS SAKE JUST GO TO BED! Pulling an all-nighter is never going to help, it’s just going to fully mess up your sleep pattern and then you’re up that creek, and not having any paddles is the least of your problems.

* If, after following all of my advice you still achieve 39% on your essay don’t blame me.   J

Harriet Baker