Onsen: Definition - Traditional Japanese hot spring pools where naked is the norm.
I figured that it would be rude to travel 6000 miles and not boil myself naked. On learning we were free to use all the facilities available, at our leisure and without charge, I had meant to sample this unique life experience last night. However, previous occupations (i.e. the bar) kept me from my aim and, in hindsight, a bath is never a good idea on a full stomach. So, at 7am on a brisk April morning, here I am in this majestic communal bathtub. The way I see it; I like people, and I like baths, so the two together can't be all that bad... can it???
Following the signs for 'Onsen' I pass through the spa reception. 'Ohayo Gozaimasu' (Good Morning), a quick bow and I am through the strict formalities of hospitality and into the binary opposite of nakedness.
Enter the dressing room. Similar to the changing room of a Western swimming pool, these are filled with lockers, benches, toilets, and humans in various stages of nudity. While similar in many ways there are also stark differences. In a large alcove to the left of the lockers is a series of chairs and mirrors with complimentary hairbrushes, combs, hair dryers, shaving foam and razors. There in the corner is the inevitable elderly naked man in all his glory. Brilliant.
Now the worst of the experience is surely over, I undress and with a confident and inspiring flourish of recklessness I quickly and willingly remove all clothing. It's similar to taking off a plaster: if you don't do it quickly you won't do it at all. And Hell, if you've got it, flaunt it.
On through to the meat of the business. In addition to a sauna there are a number of shower cubicles. Here I am using cubicles in the loosest sense of the term as it is more of a number of shower heads in an open space with no hint of privacy. Great.
After briefly but thoroughly washing myself with the complimentary shampoo and shower gel I am now at a loss as to what to do. I am ashamedly ignorant of onsen etiquette. Regrettably, the only option is to covertly study what others do. I say 'covertly' because everyone is obviously naked, and by looking I do not wish to give the wrong impression. I would at this point like to point out that I also avoided eye contact with any intimate parts. It's as obvious as our Western mind would imagine it to be. There is a pool of boiling water. You climb into it. As Ronseal would say, it does what it says on the tin, albeit the tin is in Japanese so you have to translate it first.
So after an indefinite amount of time casually sitting there and being stared at due to my pale demeanour, I begin to feel bored. Aside from the elderly man trying to catch my eye, this is exactly the same as bathtime at home. Novelty surpassed.
No.
Before leaving I turn to glance out of the window (partly for the view and partly to avoid the attempted eye contact; I'm social but there are limits) and what should greet my wandering gaze but a boiling, steaming jacuzzi in the freezing cold morning air. I would be disappointing my loyal and loving readership if I did not experience this phenomenon and relate it to you.
Swinging my towel casually by my side, I nonchalantly walk naked from the pool inside to the pool outside. The journey, although short, was freezing (and I am certainly not looking forward to the return) but I must say it was well worth the effort.
Similar to the grossly irritating habit of removing 3D glasses to 'check what it is like without them' I am ashamed to admit I spent the first few minutes playing the hot/cold game. Submerge your arm, raise your arm, submerge your arm, raise your arm, hot, cold, hot, cold. I know, I'm sad.
***
I briefly pause my account to bring you the live action news story that a man has just climbed naked into the pool with a soaking, cold, white flannel on top of his shiny bald head - and subsequently I cannot breathe for laughing
***
After sitting admiring my new surroundings for a few minutes I noticed that the Jacuzzi was EXTREMELY powerful and spent the next few minutes manouvering my back and neck to various points of tension. Suffice to say I looked like some sort of obscure sea creature performing a mating ritual and got stared at... a lot, but for all they know it could be a Western ritual that I need to perform for religious reasons so I exhibit no shame.
I then made the decision to collect pen and paper from my room and compose this wondrous piece of work, which I hope you deeply appreciate as my note pad is ruined due to condensation and/or splashing.
In conclusion, I would definitely recommend the onsen to any visiting Westerner. Embrace the culture, relax your Western inhibitions and you will come away a changed person, ultimately more relaxed. 'When in Rome' is a phrase I seem to use a lot in this country, but it is fitting. If, however, you cannot afford the trip, buy a bigger bath, invite some friends, boil many kettles and improvise.
With those unwise words I leave you. It's time for breakfast. Ohayo.
Simon Birkmyre
Nisshin, Japan
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