The Pessimist Chronicles: The Single Girl's Guide to the Olympics.

Since both Cadbury’s and Coca Cola are backing London 2012 I couldn’t really feign ignorance… Most of our Olympic budget has been spent on building various stadiums we don’t really need – and when I say don’t need I’m not being political… I mean Southampton has a swimming and diving pool and it would be far more convenient for me to make Tom Daley my husband if he were in the same city as me.

27 Million British Pounds were spent on the Olympic opening ceremony on Friday night, and despite my general sense of Olympic pessimism, I thought it was spot on. Danny Boyle truly showed the courage, imagination and enthusiasm of Britain. I’ve heard a lot of criticism of the show, but if it can inspire pride in even a handful of sceptics, I think Boyle, and the zillions of performers and volunteers achieved what London 2012 is all about. Nevertheless, after the parade of the competitors, which made me question both my knowledge of world geography and the length of the alphabet, I couldn’t quite help feeling that my Olympic interest had peaked.

My lampooning nature returned in strong spirits both because of the Queen’s quite blatant disinterest in the whole affair, and the fact that after all of the other countries showed off beautiful, traditional outfits, Team GB rocked up looking like chavvy space-men.

Despite my genuine lack of interest in anything other than Tom Daley, gymnastics and all the other dancey prancey sports; I don’t want to miss out on this cultural event, and so I’ve channelled my interest the only way I truly know how, and I will now share this with you.

HARRIET’S TOP 5 OGGLE-WORTHY OLYMPIANS.